The Valley Fair Mall Accident

6.20.08

so been a while since I posted, so to bring you up to speed:

parents have been doing this thing called "Ferber Method"
that guy is a jerk.
he's supposed to be some sort of sleep specialist or something. My pediatrician told me a story that he heard him speak once at a seminar. Definitely Ferber lives up to his name, he put my pediatrician to sleep!
anyways, it's this sick and twisted method where my parents pick me up and hold me, singing these strange songs to me.
obviously I know what's coming, I'm not a houseplant.
then one of my "parents" (in the loosest sense of the word) puts me down into my crib.
Then I start crying like my 401k just went down the crapper.
duh. someone put me down.
Then they leave the room for what has got to be like several hours.
I cry and cry and cry, and then they come back.
I have no clue what they're doing. They tell me silly things like "oh it's ok baby", and "shhhh it'll be all right."
Where else have I heard those words before? Anyone ever read Soylent Green? I know they're leaving me alone in the dark so I can get used to it, so one day when they come to stuff me for thanksgiving dinner, I won't complain! I might even curl up nicely for the roaster!

NO EFFING WAY. I'm not going down easy without a fight. Dr. Ferber, right, what is your degree in anyways? Cookery?

So anyways, I've been fighting it intensely for about 2 weeks now. Last night I cried and cried so hard that dad had to tuck me back into bed with him. Just to punish him for his insolence, I kicked him sternly in the face this morning until he woke up and got me some formula. That's right! Get back in the kitchen and mix me a drink!


anyways.

fathers' day weekend-
wow had a wild and crazy weekend
friday night had dinner with my dad's dinner and family
we went to the usual chinese restaurant we always go to. I bounced around a lot, and then got sleepy.
saturday night had dinner with my mom's family
same chinese restaurant, different table. this time dad remembered the camera so we have the snaps.
Sunday night dad had to help Nicholas' dad move all his stuff out from his place, so he was huffing and puffing. Didn't see him much, but when he came back boy was he sweaty.


This week Auntie Felicia took off for vacation, so I was just chilling at home with dad who took the week off too. Happily to say I exhausted him thoroughly, waking up at a 6am, refusing to nap at all, constantly bouncing on him, smacking him around, making him read to me, sing to me, play guitar for me, walk me around. That's right, who's the boss?!

We went out to the Chipotle plaza thursday evening cause it was hot. Somehow while in best buy I managed to unclip one of my belts on my stroller, and was almost free before mommy noticed me trying to make my escape. And I would have escaped if it wasn't for those darned kids. Needless to say that plan is foiled, I'm sure dad and mom have a sharp eye on me.


Today we went to valley fair in afternoon. I decided to make presents for mommy and daddy in the car, and they didn't notice when they were transferring me to the stroller.
In fact, until they stopped at Coldstone and daddy picked me up out of the stroller, they hadn't a clue of the massive present that awaited them.
Let's just say dad's eyebrows shot up when he realized the smell of the gift I had created. He quickly bolted to the family change room and while I checked out how handsome I was in one of the mirrors (thank goodness for him I had my handsome visage to gaze upon) he stripped me of my now christened clothes, and wiped me down and changed me.

Lots of other mommys found this an interesting sight, and I could hear them thinking "how can I train my baby to get daddy to do this?" Read the book, ladies. It comes out in time for christmas.

Later on we walked around, daddy feeding me ample amounts of formula to keep me well hydrated, and I had an exciting time, passing out on the car ride home.

Of course they tried to put me into the crib tonight again, against my stringent protest. But I cut them some slack.

Check out the picture above: This is my "Victory is Mine!" look.